I have compared thee, o my love...

I merely read these words of the Song of Songs, and I began to weep. I began to weep under the illumination of the Spirit of God revealing to me from His word the great love with which he loves me. I began to weep as the Lord convinced me that though by the standards of this world I lack beauty and face rejection, He has compared me, and He has set his affection on me.

The passage reads:

I am black, but comely, o ye daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Kedar, as the curtains of Solomon.

Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me: my mother's children were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept. 
Song of Songs 1:5-6

you see, in the eyes of this world the woman possessed no beauty. her skin was dark, tanned by the sun and aged from years of labor outside. her own heart accused her as she cries out "do not look upon me, because I possess no beauty. do not gaze at me, because the sun - exposure to harsh and damaging conditions - has taken such a toll on my appearence."

The Lord has been dealing with me so severely about negative self image, and this woman is the poster child. She cries out against herself, yea, she rails against her own image. She views herself as less than desirable. She is convinced that she isn't even worthy of a second look. I wonder how many of us share this view with the woman of the song? How many of us would say of ourselves that we are worthless, we are ugly, we're not even worth a gaze? How many of us walk around every day carrying the burden of self-hatred that comes with such a poor image of ourselves?

The woman's problem and the root of her poor image appears to be more than simply skin deep, however. I assert this for we read (in nsv, that is "new Shane version"), "in despised and rejected even by the people closest to me." Tell me her rejection doesn't fuel that cry for all men to look away from her. Labor and convince me that the fact she was rejected even by her own siblings, her own family, doesn't haunt her and whisper in her ear, "you're unlovable. you're undesirable. Even those who ought to be the closest to you want nothing to do with you. they don't love you; they don't desire you; what makes you think anybody else in this world would be otherwise?"

once again I wonder how many of us deal every day with the weight of rejection. Abandoned by your parents. Rejected in that relationship. Cheated on, used, despised, betrayed - all by the ones who ought to have been the ones who loved you the most, or else professed a great love for you. this sort of thing plagues so many, and don't we have the tenancy to apply that rejection to God? "How can I love God as a father, when my father beat and cheated on my mom, made me feel less than human in the way he spoke to me, and abandoned us when I was but 10 years old?" "how can I love Christ as a husband when my husband abused me sexually, had an affair and divorced me for another woman?" "How could God accept me when my entire life I've been rejected by my parents, my teachers, my coaches, the opposite sex, the workforce, and everyone else?" This, I think is one of our great difficulties in the Christian life.

Yea, but it's even deeper than the rejection... she says, "they made me to care for the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept." you see, because of the lack of understanding and acceptance she's received, she goes out of her way to protect and keep the lives, emotions, and overall health of those around her. for the selfsame reason, however, she has failed to keep her own protected. it's because of the rejection of the men in her life that she's allowed her vineyard to be spoiled by the first man that professes to accept and love her. it's because of the rejection of every authority in her life that she's stuck in that abusive relationship to the man who professes to accept and love her as she is. her awful self image is tied not only to fact that she's been rejected, but also to the fact that she has since dishonored herself, and as a result gave up all the dignity which she  before possessed.

This is what causes her to cry out, "do not look upon me! I am stained and undesireable!" but then we hear the words of the king - the one who has become ravished by her beauty and loves her despite all her own perceived shortcomings:

"I have compared thee, o my love, to a company of horses in Pharaohs chariots.

thy cheeks are comely with rows of jewels, thy neck with chains of gold."
song of songs 1:9-10

Christ says today, "I have compared thee, o my love, and I find no comparison. I have compared thy beauty, o my love, and nothing measures up. in my eyes, o my love, you are worth dying for. I would lay aside all my glory and majesty just to be with you and know you. I would forsake even my own life to take you unto myself. I have compared thee, o my love, and you are a pearl of great price."

oh, what manor of love is this?

Brother Shane